Читаем Fall and Rise полностью

“By all means. Take care. But if you need help, yell. Just because we don’t know you doesn’t mean we shouldn’t help. Men are comrades like that to perfect strangers all the time.”

“Are they?” I say. “I suppose.”

“Well, how about it?” the first one says to the second. “You haven’t said yet, because I thought little Mickey this morning sang like a dream.”

“He sang it beautifully and read it well.”

“And Lillie looks so lovely. Does she look like the mother of a sixteen-year-old bar mitzvah kid?”

“He’s that old? I thought fourteen.”

“Sixteen. That’s why he sang so well. His voice has already changed. Mostly those kids sing awful, and at thirteen the worst. Cracked voice, like a cracked bell. Bong-g-g,” and they both laugh. “Here, take a whiff of this.”

“I’m high enough.”

“Go on, it’s the best. If you’re worried about Miss Anonymous inside, she won’t mind. She can even join us. Want a whiff, Silence-in-the-Closet?”

“Whatever it is, no thanks.”

“Whatever it is, I promise you will like. It’ll pacify your problems and make you dance like it was your last chance in your life.”

“That’s very generous of you, but I don’t touch anything but too much champagne. At least not for years. Drugs, which I suppose is what your whiff is, make me tired and dumb, which I already am.”

“This will make you feel lively, honey, and as for feeling dumb, feel dumb. That’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to feel high. You’re supposed to feel weird, cracked, bats, uninhibitively loose and detached and dumb. Every now and then, I’m saying.”

“Every now and then she’s saying,” the second one says, “but look at her: she isn’t giving. Here, might as well — for it smells too good.”

I’m all done, nothing else came, and I don’t want to stay in here any longer, nor do I want to see them. But I wipe up, pull up, push the paper in, flush the toilet, and leave. “Hi,” I say. They’re around my age. I wash my hands, say “Thanks” to the one with white powder on her fingertip she’s extended to me, “but I don’t want any, good as it looks. I once tried that stuff and everything felt and looked so cold for half an hour that I thought I was in a huge icebox. Enjoy your party,” drying my hands.

“And enjoy yours,” the second one says. “Maybe we’ll hop over for a visit. Any nice-looking guys there?”

“Some. All looking for women it seems, married and unmarrieds alike. Chances should be a lot better there than at your party, I’d think.”

“Tatlin, you said?”

“No, you said, and Tallin. I’m Nustermann-Baker.”

“There’s so many parties on this floor. It’s hard to know where to keep track where you are unless where you come in here.”

“You dummy,” the first woman says. “You’re so high you can’t speak straight.”

“Speak straight where? What are you speaking about, and about me? Freaking-A right. This shit is strong. Where in world am I? Ich, don’t tell me — I see. Think you better help lean me up against something for I’m gonna take a spill.”

“Does she really need help?” I say, grabbing the high woman’s arm.

“I’ll take care of her, honey, thanks,” snapping her powder tin shut and putting it in her handbag.

The high woman sits on the floor against the wall, head between her knees, crying. The other woman rinses a paper towl and pats it on the back of the high woman’s neck.

“Sure she’ll be all right? I’ll help, or get someone if you need.”

“That rag’s too cold,” the high woman says. “Warmer. I’m getting better but want a rag not so cold.”

“She’ll be okay. I’ll see to her. She talks a big game but she can’t hold anything.”

I leave. Arthur’s outside. “You were a long time. Two women walked in soon after you and I bet myself you all started chatting about hair waves or whatever women do. I never know what goes on in your toilets but always wanted to.”

“Dress in drag.”

“Ideally, I’d like to get a video camera and set it up in a woman’s room and watch it live off a monitor for a day. Or tape and record it — just like this one one night — but naturally when you’re not in there, or if you are, then when you know you’re on camera and you’re maybe even the star. And I’m talking about potties and tampon dispensers and anything else you might have in there that we don’t. It’d make a good thirty-minute movie, don’t you think? I’m serious, because I’m sure there’d be plenty for me and every man to learn from it.”

“Ask me anything. We shit, we pee, we get sick, we brush our teeth, and sometimes we even wash our hands and comb our hair.”

“Someone will do it before me, you’ll see, and make a small fortune from it and get all the awards. Some smoked fish?”

“What?”

“The smoked fish table. I was just there and they’re now down to two of them, though one’s sable, so we better hustle.”

“I don’t want anything to eat. Fact is, I’m about to go home.”

“You’re still tired. That’s too bad, because I was kind of getting used to you here. Listen, before you go, could I ask if it’d be all right if I called you.”

“I guess, but I have to tell you I’m a bit tied-up with someone these days.”