‘You kidnapped her. You took her from her family and imprisoned her in that room next door to mine. You starved her and beat her and punished her, and you raped her. You’re beating and raping Lindy, knocking her teeth out. Do you do it with extraction forceps or pliers?’

The water glass rolled sideways on the table.

‘That lying little bitch! You can’t believe a word –’

‘She didn’t tell me anything. I worked it out. I think I always knew, but I didn’t want it to be true. I can’t believe a word you say, Dad. You ran away from Ireland and you dragged me with you and now I’m complicit in kidnapping Lindy.’ The water from the glass was dripping on to the floor.

He snarled at me, ‘And what do you want me to do about it? Let her go? What do you think would happen to you? Who will protect you like I have? Like you say, you’re an accomplice.’ He pushed his chair back from the table and stood up, facing me. The toppled glass rolled sideways off the table and smashed on the wooden floor beneath us. I was terrified at the thought of being imprisoned, I was terrified at the thought of being left alone, I was terrified of dying an agonizing death. But I thought I knew right from wrong.

‘Dad, you have to leave her alone. You’re a paedophile and that’s the truth.’

‘And what do you get up to with her every evening, ha? Talking, reading?’

‘Yes! What are you suggesting? You know I can’t touch her.’

The high colour drained from his face. He held on to the table with both hands. He shook his head as if he had water in his ears.

‘If I go to prison, you go too. You’re not too young to go to an adult prison. Do you know what they’d do to you there?’

I’d read many prison books over the years. Papillon was vivid in my mind.

I ran from the kitchen and grabbed the car keys off the hook. Dad came after me, shouting. ‘You can’t do anything without killing yourself, you stupid boy!’

I took the car that night and drove for hours, but where could I go, and who could I tell?

39

Sally

As soon as I heard the whistle I felt like I was going to be sick. He was here. I had asked Udo and Nadine to run to the aid of Lina, the security guard, if the whistle blew, and they both sprinted around the side of the house. Everyone paused, wondering what was going on, except for the children, oblivious on the bouncy castle. I immediately did a head count of all the children attending. They were all there. I exhaled, but there was a lull in the chatter. I asked everyone to stay where they were. I went through the house and collected a poker from the fireplace on my way. A rage boiled up inside me. Finally.

As I opened the front door, I heard a woman’s voice screeching. ‘That freak murdered her father and you don’t even care!’ Lina had her in a headlock, but I couldn’t see her face. Udo called over to me. ‘It’s fine, it’s only that racist nutter who used to work in the Texaco. She’s refusing to leave.’ Caroline.

‘You don’t belong here. Why don’t you go back to your own country?’ she screeched at Udo.

Lina was hustling her backwards down the lane. ‘My wife is a doctor,’ said Nadine, ‘we should have you sectioned.’

‘Lezzer! –’

Lina clamped her hand over Caroline’s mouth.

‘Shall I call the guards, Miss Diamond?’

The poker in my hand seemed to take on a life of its own. I was so wound up and enraged by the thought that it might be Conor Geary, I didn’t know what to do with my anger. I ran towards Caroline with the poker raised. Nadine grabbed me around the waist. ‘Sally! What the fuck?’

Udo wrestled the poker from my grip.

Lina pulled Caroline out of my reach. She dropped her hand from Caroline’s mouth but kept a firm grip on her neck and shoulder.

‘You all saw that! She was going to attack me with that poker. That’s attempted assault. You’re witnesses. If anyone’s going to the guards, I am!’ screamed Caroline.

‘I didn’t see anything,’ said Nadine. She turned to Udo and Lina. ‘Did you see Sally try to attack anyone?’

‘Definitely not,’ said Udo, and Lina shook her head vigorously.

‘You’re imagining things, see?’ said Nadine. ‘You should be sectioned. Now, are you going to fuck off or are we going to call the guards?’

Everyone was lying now. My head started to buzz.

Caroline ran back up the lane, shrieking about liars and freaks, while Udo and Lina watched her go.

Nadine led me into Dad’s office, which I’d labelled with a notice that said ‘Private’. ‘Wait there,’ she said, ‘I’ll get Angela.’

Angela always seemed to have appropriate tablets to hand in her bag. ‘Take this and tell me what happened.’ She passed me a glass of water.

‘You know why I hired Lina. When I heard the whistle, I assumed it was him. I felt a fury and couldn’t control my anger. I was ready to kill him, and even though it was only Caroline, I …’