‘She left me. She wasn’t ready to settle down. End of story.’

‘You deserved that.’

‘I suppose. What about you? From what I read and heard, you’ve never had a relationship, is that right?’

‘Correct.’

‘Don’t you want one? Wouldn’t you like to fall in love?’

‘I don’t know. I’m theoretically heterosexual. But I definitely don’t want sex.’

At this point, the chatter had grown quiet. Martha grabbed Mark by the arm and led him out to the garden. Sue sat down beside me again. ‘That sounded like a personal conversation, Sally. Are you sure you want to share details like that?’

I felt deflated again. I had somehow said the wrong thing and I noticed that people were glancing in my direction. I heard Anubha saying to Fernanda, ‘What did she say?’ and Udo said to Kenneth, ‘I’m not sure about Mark.’ Kenneth nodded, looking confused. I went over to Udo.

‘I have to go now. Thank you for a lovely afternoon.’

‘Did Mark say something to upset you?’

‘Not today. I think I said something that should be private.’ There was a buzzing in my head. ‘Maybe I’ve had too much wine. Will you please explain to everyone about my deficiency and thank Martha.’ I scurried towards the hall and grabbed my jacket.

I had failed the test of attending a party. I made a mental note to raise it with Tina at our next session.

28

Peter, 1980

We were luckier on our third attempt at finding accommodation. The house was clean even though it was on a filthy street, and the landlady was chirpy and friendly and brown-skinned. She introduced herself as Mona.

‘Are you here on holidays? Going to do some sightseeing?’

‘We’re looking for property in the area.’ Dad smiled warmly at her.

‘Moving to London? From Ireland? Now? That’s a brave move.’

Dad said nothing.

‘What a lovely boy you have. What’s your name, sonny?’

‘Steve,’ Dad said before I could answer. She reached forward, and I don’t know if she was going to shake my hand or pat me on the head, but I jerked backwards.

‘Don’t mind him,’ said Dad, ‘he’s at that awkward age. Steve doesn’t like to be touched.’ He winked at her.

‘Oh well, that will change soon enough, won’t it?’ She laughed as I stared up at Dad. Steve?

‘I’ll pay cash up front if that’s all right.’

‘Well, you’re my favourite type of guest. I don’t mind. How many nights?’

‘Two to start with and then we’ll see.’

‘Bed and breakfast, or would you like evening meals as well?’

‘What’s the rate?’ said Dad.

‘Ten pounds per night, my love, twelve if you take dinner too. You won’t find cheaper.’

‘Well, Steve,’ said Dad, ‘will we take dinner as well?’

I nodded.

Dad counted out the notes. ‘I’ll pay for two nights then, please, and I’ll let you know tomorrow if I need to extend our stay.’

‘Great, well, the toilet is down the hall on your left and there’s a shower in your room. You can knock on my door if you need anything. Dinner at seven o’clock, okay?’ She handed over the keys and told us we were free to come and go.

Once inside the room, we saw that there was a bunk bed and a plastic shower cubicle in the corner. I had always wanted to sleep on the top of a bunk bed. ‘Dad! Can I go on top? Please, Dad?’

‘Yes.’ He put his finger to his lips then. We were both silent for a moment and we could hear Mona humming to herself.

Dad lowered his voice. ‘The walls are thin, we’ll have to whisper.’

‘Why?’

‘We don’t want them knowing our business.’

‘Who?’

‘Women,’ he said.

‘Is that why you told her my name was Steve?’

He grinned. ‘I think it suits you. Like Steve Austin. The Six Million Dollar Man. Shall we call you Steve from now on?’

‘Yes!’

‘And what will my name be? I’m bored with Conor Geary.’

‘James? Like Captain James Cook!’

‘James, yes, I like that. What about a surname?’

‘Armstrong, like Neil Armstrong.’

‘James and Steven Armstrong. I like it.’

For the first time since I saw the burglar, I felt at ease. Dad was smiling at me.

‘Right, you should probably stay here for safety’s sake. I’ll go and take a look around and see what I can find out.’

‘Where are we, Dad?’

‘Whitechapel in the East End of London.’

‘Are we safe here?’

‘I’ll always keep you safe, Steve.’

We grinned at each other. He rustled in his suitcase and took out some envelopes. ‘I’ll have to go and see a man about some passports.’

‘What man?’

‘I don’t know yet.’

‘Dad?’

‘Yes, Steve?’ I sniggered every time he said it in the beginning.

‘Is my disease a secret?’

‘It’s up to you, but I’d be afraid if you told people, they might want to test you. Everyone else who has it lives in a hospital. I’ve kept you out of them all these years.’

‘Wherever we go to live, can it be far away from a town or a city?’

He smiled. ‘That’s exactly what I was thinking.’

He left, warning me to lock the door after him.