Читаем Forever Amber полностью

But Amber neither could nor wished to accept his Lordship’s mellow philosophy. “I don’t care if it does!” she insisted stubbornly. “I do hate her! And I hope she gets the pox!”

“No doubt she will.”

After that they went to the Banqueting Hall to watch the King dine in state, which he usually did at one o’clock on Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. The galleries were massed to see him but he did not come and at last they had to go away, disappointed. Amber had been much impressed when she had seen King Charles the day he returned to London; after Bruce she thought him the finest man in England.

About the first of August Amber became convinced that she was pregnant, partly because she had at least one symptom but mostly because it was forever on her mind. For a couple of weeks past she had waited and counted on her fingers and nothing had happened. Now her breasts began to feel stretched and sore and as though pricked by a thousand pins. She wanted to tell Bruce and yet she was half scared, for she guessed that he would not be pleased.

He got up early every morning—no matter how late he might have come in the night before—and Amber would put on her dressing-gown and talk to him until he left, after which she went back to sleep again. On this day she sat at the edge of the bed, swinging her bare feet and pulling a tortoise-shell comb through the tangled snarls of her hair. Bruce stood near her, wearing only his breeches and shoes, shaving with a long sharp-bladed razor.

For several minutes Amber watched him and neither of them spoke. Each time she tried to open her mouth her heart gave a leap and her courage failed her. Then all at once she said: “Bruce—what if I should get with child?”

He gave a slight involuntary start and cut himself, the bright blood showing in a little line on his chin, and then he turned to look at her. “Why do you say that? Do you think you are?”

“Well—haven’t you noticed anything?” She felt strangely embarrassed.

“Noticed what? Oh—I hadn’t thought about it.” He scowled and even though it was not at her she felt a sudden frightened loneliness; then he turned back, took up a small bottle and put a drop of liquid styptic on the cut. “Jesus!” he muttered.

“Oh, Bruce!” She jumped off the bed and ran to him. “Please don’t be mad at me!”

He had started shaving again. “Mad at you? It’s my fault. I intended to be careful—but sometimes I forgot.”

Amber looked at him, puzzled. What was he talking about? She’d heard in Marygreen that it was possible to avoid pregnancy by spitting three times into the mouth of a frog or drinking sheep’s urine, but Sarah had warned her often enough that such methods were unreliable.

“Sometimes you forgot what?”

“Nothing it will do any good to remember now.” He wiped his face with a towel, tossed the towel onto the table-top and then turned to put on the rest of his clothes. “Oh, Lord, Amber —I’m sorry. This is a devil of a mess.”

She was quiet for a moment, but finally she said, “You don’t like babies, do you?”

She asked the question so naively, looked up at him with so sad and wistful an expression that all at once he took her into his arms and held her head against his chest while one hand stroked tenderly over her hair. “Yes, my darling, of course I like them.” His mouth was pressed against the top of her head, but his eyes were troubled and a little angry.

“What are we to do?” she asked him at last.

Held close in his arms with her body against his she felt warm and safe and happy—the problem had dissolved. For though he had told her he would not marry her and she had believed it at first, now she was almost convinced that he would. Why shouldn’t he? They loved each other, they were happy together, and during the past several weeks of living with him she had almost forgotten that he was a lord and she the niece of a yeoman farmer. What might once have seemed impossible to the point of absurdity now seemed to her quite natural and logical.

He let her go and stood with his arms hanging at his sides while he talked, his green-grey eyes hard and uncompromising, watching her steadily. There was no doubt he meant every word he said.