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We are at the car door when the pimp guy or whatever comes pelting across the road with his arms out. ‘What the fuck you doing with my girl?’ he shouts as he’s running. I can’t run off now without causing a massive beef so I stop. I want to just take her away like a normal punter or whatever, peaceful, just another paying customer. I do not want to start something in the middle of North London with some Glockz soldier. My heart is getting loud in my chest. Boom boom boom now. It is so loud I swear he can hear it.

‘What’s up blood?’ I say. ‘Just looking for a bit innit?’

‘He was here first,’ he says and points his face at the other guy who is now trying to get back in his car.

‘Yeah but he’s going innit.’

‘He ain’t fucking going anywhere. Oi bruv. You was here first,’ he says to him holding his arm. The guy was already white but now he has turned into a sheet. No doubt this wasn’t any kind of shit he’d planned for either.

‘Yeah, well I’m here now though. What’s wrong with me?’ I say quickly adding a bit of volume to put the first punter off.

‘She don’t like you though pussy boy. So, you best fuck off.’

‘She wants to come with me,’ I say and by now I am shitting myself. This guy is a big guy. Not muscles or nothing just big and solid like a punchbag. If it hadn’t been for Kira, I would have fucked off a long time ago.

‘What this clapped-up bitch wants is what I tell her she wants,’ he says coming right into my face. He is so close some of his spit lands on my lip. It is disgusting but I can’t wipe it off.

‘I got enough dollars man,’ I say and take a wad of cash out my pocket to show him.

He snatches the money straight out of my hand and says, ‘I said fuck off. I ain’t going to tell you again, blood.’

I let go of Kira. The gun is still there in my waistband. It feels heavy. It’s too heavy for these bottoms I got on and it feels like any minute it’s going to drop down my leg. He turns to leave with Ki and all I can think is that I need to keep him here somehow. I need to do something. The punter guy runs off. He’s left his car there and just run off. Now there’s just the three of us. It feels like we are nowhere.

‘If you ain’t giving me the bitch,’ I say as cold as I can, but the word bitch sticks in my throat, ‘then you giving me back my paper, blood.’

The guy spins around with his eyes on fire and arms out wide. ‘You think you can fuck wid me bruv?’ he says and steps right into my face. ‘Fuck wid dis, yeah bruv. Fuck wid dis.’

I suddenly feel a hard object up against my stomach and I look down.

It’s a gun.

IN THE CENTRAL CRIMINAL COURT  T2017229

Before: HIS HONOUR JUDGE SALMON QC

Closing Speeches:

Trial: Day 31

Thursday 6^thJuly 2017

APPEARANCES

For the Prosecution:     Mr C. Salfred QC

For the Defendant:         In person

Transcribed from a digital audio recording by

T. J. Nazarene Limited

Official Court Reporters and Tape Transcribers

Have any of you lot ever held a gun in your hands? It’s not like you see in the films where you can put one in the inside pocket of your jacket or stick it in your jeans and forget you got it on you. A gun is a heavy thing. It weighs you down. When you pick one up it’s like you can feel the seriousness of it. You can sense the life it can take and the damage it can make. A gun is a living breathing thing in a ways. And it’s even got a voice. As soon as you pick one up it starts whispering shit to you. It’s whispering all in your ears. All the time you have it on you it’s whispering. Wsss wsss wsss wsss. And it’s saying just one thing to you over and over. It’s saying, ‘Let me out.’ It wants you to shoot it.

I can tell by his face he’s feeling it now. His gun wants to shoot me. Kira senses something too and starts to scream. The guy steps back but keeps the gun aimed at me. He whips round with his other arm and grabs Kira by the hair and pulls down hard. She lets out this noise like a kicked dog.

I step forward and then stop quickly and hold my hands out. ‘Blood, it’s cool. It’s cool. I’m going,’ I say and start stepping back slowly.

‘It’s too long for that shit bruv,’ he says and pulls Kira’s head down by his knees, so she can only see the ground. ‘You don’t want to see this, baby,’ he goes, and straightens out his gun arm.