Читаем Soldaten полностью

As the commander of a combat troop, I had the task of maintaining our position regardless of the circumstances. That was my order and I carried it out. But it wasn’t as if I as a commander hid away in my bunker, although I could have done so. 70 to 80 percent of the time I was up front with my troop. We were taking a heavy battering from artillery. Guys were falling in droves. I soon noticed a certain exhaustion although they conducted themselves without fault. But enemy propaganda leaflets dropped from above, about conditions as a POW and such, had made a certain impression on my men. At the same time the order came, and it was announced everywhere, to give shirkers a push. So I had to push my men with every means at my disposal. If I didn’t, it would have been unjust toward my topmost superiors. Still, you feel a human emotion. You tell yourself: You have to push these poor men forward, even if it’s pointless. We had no support from heavy artillery, or the Luftwaffe. We could only engage in hand-to-hand combat.

AHNELT: What kind of a unit was it? Bavarians?

MAYER: Half Bavarian and half from Frankfurt. The men behaved pretty well, but about 20 percent were shirkers. Not common everyday shirkers. People whose nerves were so shot they couldn’t do anything. Now imagine that Germany doesn’t lose the war. It’s possible that I would be put up in front of a military tribunal and asked why I didn’t hold my position two hours longer.

The smartest thing, Mayer asserts, would have been to flee in the face of a hopeless situation. But he had orders to hold his position for three days:

MAYER: On the one hand, the wounded lay dying, lined up like herring, men with whom I’d served together for years. On the other hand, I had my duty. I’d like to write a book about it, if I get a typewriter some day here. Now I’m in a POW camp, and my tragedy is symptomatic of the overall tragedy. That’s the thanks you get for all your work. I worked like a lunatic because I’ve been trained to carry out my duty, orders have to be followed. Regardless of political connections. I would have acted the same, if I’d been in the Red Army.

I would have had time to get out of the line of fire. A few months ago, I could have gone to Munich. I was close to becoming a regimental commander. But I didn’t want to desert my post before the invasion. That’s what’s tragic.⁵⁶²