Читаем Finders Keepers полностью

Sometimes he helped her groom Skip, and other times she watched him rebuild his motorbike. At the stable, he handed her brushes and filled buckets. He was quite sure that Em could groom Skip a lot faster without him, but she never said so. And having her with him at Ronnie Trewell’s garage was great. She never got fed up and talked about shopping; she watched him and made encouraging noises. It made him feel that he knew what he was doing, and he was surprised to find that his bike actually started to seem less like junk and more like a bike while she was around. Once she spent a whole afternoon rubbing Autosol into the pitted chrome front mudguard, until they could see themselves grinning in it.

Steven and Em held hands when they were alone, and often he thought about kissing her, although he always chickened out at the last moment – even when it looked as if she was expecting it. The idea of getting it wrong was awful. Of leaning in and missing her mouth, or hitting her mouth just as she started to say something, or of his lips being too dry or too wet. It was just too important to ruin. Every time they said goodbye, he lingered – then kicked himself for not being man enough to kiss his own girlfriend.

He thought about other things too, of course. It was only natural. But even his sexual fantasies were short-lived things because he needed so little of her to fuel them. A kiss, a touch – sometimes just an imaginary whisper was enough.

Every time he saw Em, Steven’s heart skipped a beat. He knew now that he was not allergic to horses or to anything else. He knew it was love, even though he’d never felt it before. He told no one, and barely allowed himself to think it. The idea of loving her was so huge that his brain skirted the edges of it and never faced it head-on. If he confessed it – even to himself – he was afraid it might lose its magic.

Because the journey took her past Rose Cottage, Steven always walked Em home. He was disturbed by the idea of Jonas Holly watching her walk past his house, but he didn’t tell her that – just that he wanted her to be safe.

‘I’ll be fine,’ Em told him. ‘I’m fit. I can run fast.’

‘Still,’ he shrugged, ‘things happen.’

‘Only to other people,’ she laughed.

He hesitated, and then told her, ‘Then you’ll be there if someone tries to kidnap me.’

Her parents knew his name. Her mother offered him tea and cake. Not Spar-shop cakes, but real cake she’d made herself and which he was expected to eat off a plate with a fork. Em’s father was polite but wary. He’d shake Steven’s hand and ask him how he was, but when he was at home he always seemed to be lurking nearby, frowning and watchful.

Steven was slightly insulted, but couldn’t blame him.

They went to Steven’s house only once, for tea. His mother kept apologizing for serving white bread and Nan showed Em photos of Steven as a small boy.

In one of them he was naked.

So mostly they went to hers.

They studied together at the kitchen table, or listened to music in her room, or watched TV in her lounge, which was bigger than his whole downstairs. They patted foals on the moor; they caught the bus to Barnstaple and he helped her choose CDs or strappy tops that made his head swim.

His friends took the piss, of course.

‘She’s new,’ said Lalo Bryant. ‘She’ll learn.’ And they all laughed.

‘If you’re not having sex with her, she’s not really your girlfriend,’ said Dougie Trewell with absolute authority. Steven hadn’t said they weren’t having sex, but they’d all assumed as much, given he wasn’t boasting about it. They were always boasting about having sex. Everyone was doing it, apparently. All the boys, anyway. It made him nervous that if they didn’t have sex soon, Em would think he was an idiot and move on to someone who knew what he was doing.

But the killer blow came from Lewis, who sighed heavily and patted Steven’s back. ‘She’s too good for you, mate. No offence.’

Steven wanted to punch him.

Because he knew it was true.

Em was special. His friends all knew it and even the other girls in their school could see it. Some of them were already wearing velvet ribbons instead of letting their loose hair blow into their mouths.

Steven wasn’t special.

It had never bothered him before, but suddenly it was critical. It raised painful questions: Why was Em going out with him? What did she see in him? Was it a joke? Was she secretly laughing behind his back, just as his friends were laughing to his face? His chest hurt at the thought.

At night he spent ages staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, worrying at spots and wishing his ears didn’t stick out.

‘Mu-um! Stevie won’t get out the bathroom!’

‘Shut up.’

‘You shut up.’

‘Both of you shut up! Steven, get out of the bathroom!’

He stopped saving for a bike jacket, and bought Clearasil and a Gillette Mach 3, which he scraped across his chin and cheeks every morning to encourage stubble.

Nan came back from a trip to Barnstaple with a can of Lynx.