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“My dear young Sebastian,” said the silken voice of the Napoleon of Crime, for it was he, undoubtedly, who was now speaking. “You should not judge by outward appearances alone. Our fiendish would-be nemesis is the very wiliest of adversaries, as too is his seemingly clumsy and bumbling partner-in-crime. Always remember that what is on the outside is always on the inside, but what is on the inside is not necessarily always revealed on the outside. We have no earthly idea when or where the real Holmes will return or in what guise. It could be as bookseller, ornithologist, apiarist, pathologist, or priest, or any one of a thousand disguises. That is why we must remain ever vigilant and seek out and examine each and every one who would play the role of consulting detective and each and every one who would then act as his fawning amanuensis. We must establish who is really who and then determine whether they might prove a future hindrance to our purpose and, if such be the case, to deal with them in the most severe, most expeditious manner possible.”

It was very apparent that a particular hot button had just been pressed again and pressed particularly hard. And I admit I was moved to lower the volume somewhat.

“Fiend is right, the wily, scheming bastard should up, up and play the game and come out and fight like a real man. ‘Steel true, blade straight’? What utter tosh. He’s the one who ruined my family’s good name and brought us all so low, damn him to hell. All I’ve ever asked for, all any of us have ever asked for, is the chance to get a good, clear shot at Holmes’s head, which as you well know is all I really live for. As for the rest of it, as always, dear Uncle Morrie, when you hit the nail on the head, you hit it so very good and hard. And I hear you, I do. I know we have no choice but to continue searching for the cunning swine and I give you my word I’ll keep on doing that. I’m only sorry the day turned out such an utter waste, but there it is. We’ll get him, eventually, though, we will. Anyway, look, I’ll get the taxi garaged and the garb of London cabby put away in the props cupboard until next time. I’ll also make good and sure the VH-V2 air gun, telescopic sight, and hollow-point ammunition are all safely tucked away. After which, of course, I’ll take the usual precautions to ensure I’m not followed. One can never be too careful, as you’re always so very fond of telling me. I’ll report in again in an hour when I’m en route to my club. For now, Sebastian Moran, Holmes hunter, over and out.”