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“Well,” I said, “I don’t know what that is.”

So he laughed and grabbed hold of my hand and had me point my finger, and he sucked on my finger the way he wanted me to do on him. He showed me just how he wanted me to do it, by doing it on my finger.

Then he got the rest of his clothes off and laid out on his back and I did it for him. Now this was something I had honestly never heard of in all my life. I had heard expressions in school, “blow job” and “eat it,” but I never knew what it meant. I knew there was such a thing as fairies but I never guessed what it was they did with each other. I just had no idea. And I never knew anything about sucking a man’s penis. In school, the expression “eat it,” I thought it meant “eat shit.” A short way of saying it. And I just had no idea what “blow job” meant.

But I did it, and I just couldn’t believe how excited it got him. He acted as though it was the most exciting thing in the world. I couldn’t really say whether I enjoyed it or not because it was so new to me and I had to concentrate so much on what I was doing.

When I knew he was going to have an orgasm I took my mouth off him and he came, but not in my mouth. He really moaned a lot when he came.

I asked him afterward how he liked it and if I did it good, and he said I did, that I was very good at it, which made me proud for some reason, but he asked why I took my mouth away at the end. I said I didn’t know. I asked if you weren’t supposed to or what. He said it was much better to come in a girl’s mouth than not. I said I didn’t know about that. He said some girls would swallow it and that was the best of all, which didn’t make any particular sense to me, because why should it feel any different for a man if you were to swallow it or spit it out? I didn’t understand it, but I knew immediately that I would no more swallow it than I would let a man have intercourse with me. I didn’t know why but I knew that this was something I would never do. As far as letting him come in my mouth, I wasn’t too sure about this one way or another. This was something I was going to have to think about.

As it turned out I didn’t have to think about it for very long, because I saw this man again a few days later and we went to his room and again I sucked him off, and this time I let him come in my mouth without a second thought, and I was very surprised to discover that I liked it better this way. As a matter of fact I believe I had an orgasm. The kind of orgasm I was able to have at that time. Nothing like the sort of complete orgasm that I can have now, but at the time I didn’t know there was anything better. Like a radio before they discovered television, I suppose. I didn’t know there was anything else.

This particular man would drive all the way from Cincinnati just to see me, and to have me suck him. Eventually he told me he could do the same thing for me, and he ate me there. I got terribly excited but I didn’t like it at the time. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know what it was about it that I didn’t like. Nothing about thinking it was dirty. For some reason I never thought of oral sex as dirty. I don’t know why, I guess most people do at one time or another, but I don’t recollect that I ever felt that way.

But there was something about the excitement, I don’t know, that bothered me and kept the whole thing from being good. Maybe that he was reaching me and I didn’t want him to, and so I held back or tried holding back or what all, and it kept it from being good for me. So what happened was I told him that I didn’t like it, and he never tried to do it again. I think he just wanted to do it for my sake, and when I said I didn’t like it he never asked to do it again.

In a way, I suppose I wanted him to ask again, and if he had I guess I would have let him do it, if only to see if I got anything more out of it the second time or whether it would be the same again.

Now and then he would want me to swallow it, when he came, but I would never do this. “You’re rejecting me when you spit out my seed,” he said. That was the way he put it. “That’s the way I am, take me or leave me,” was what I would say, and he accepted that that was the way it was going to be if he wanted to keep on seeing me.